Soon-To-Be Rockstar says: “Hey there
Basically I’m a white (olive skinned – fuck yeah Mediterranean heritage) 23 year old soon-to-be-rockstar. (Whoa! Hey! You said “Rockstar”. What’s up with this “soon-to-be” BS??) You know, I’ve been on contact with Guns N Roses’ touring manager, been in contact with various big-name agents etc. (Uh, pretty sure Guns N Roses stopped being a thing sometime in the 90’s and I am interested to know who these other “Big Name” agents are and what your definition of “been in contact with” is, because sending countless unanswered emails doesn’t cut it.) It’s going down, I’m just in the midst of assembling a proper band (Jeezy creezy!! You don’t even have a band!).
Interested? Ask for my number and I’ll readily give it to you!!! (Oh, I bet you will.)”
Soon-To-Be Rockstar is about as much of a rockstar as I am a Victoria Secret model. I mean I’ve looked at some catalogs, worn a bathing suit, I just need to get some boobs, lose 30 pounds, get Victoria Secret model hair, and grow a few inches taller. It’s going down!