‘Tis the season….
For Christmas I want you to bring me a Christmas Bride. Not for this year because I realize that it is going to take some time for the two of us to get to know each other and to build a long lasting relationship. Santa, you and I both know that real love takes time. Now, before you go hitching up the reindeer and dashing to the far corners of the earth to find her, let me tell you what kind of woman I think would be good for me.
I am looking to find a woman who loves being a woman. A woman who is a girly-girl. A woman who has a job and knows what she wants in life. If she is deaf and/or knows sign language, that is fine because I am studying that. If she desires to be free of cooking, that is great, because Santa, you know I like to cook. If she likes all those Christmas programs on Hallmark, and Lifetime channel, this time of year, that is cool because I will take time to watch them with her. But, if she is into watching lots of sports, maybe you better pass on that one. But, if she will give me time, you know, I can make her happy.
Oh, and Santa, if she has kids, that is OK, because I have two sons, that don’t live with me but are with their mother in California, as you know. Oh, and just a note, Santa, I think they were pretty good this last year so go ahead and give them what they asked for.
Now, Santa, you know I am NOT looking for a one night stand. You know I am not looking to just get a little action under the mistletoe or even behind closed doors. I want the long term thing that I had once and that you and Mrs. Clause have had. So, just have her be 35-50, liking all kinds of music, and be someone who won’t mind if I am not the dancing type. You know Santa, I am the watch the sun rise and set kind of guy and not a party animal. OK, I know you have seen me drink a little wine, now and then, but always at home. You know I don’t smoke or do drugs and you know that I don’t have any STDs. But, if you would, Santa, send me a cure for this cold I got when I flew to California this last month, I would appreciate it.
OK, so 35-50 years old, long hair, beautiful exotic eyes and someone with a warm and loving. A woman who wants a man who will be loyal to her and will treat her like a queen. You know the Proverbs 12:4 kind of princess who I will treat like a queen. You know the kind of woman who wants to be treated right and not neglected. Nothing to it, hey Santa! Easy-peasy!!
Oh, and for a code, so I know she is real, in the song “Christmas Bride” have her mention what kind of dust Santa uses along with the sprig of mistletoe.
Someone should probably let him know Santa isn’t actually real.