The title seemed so promising…
Causes Barfing says: “WARNING: Don’t attempt this all at once. Take it in smaller doses. It may cause mixed feelings, laughter, saddness, disgust, loose stools (probably not that), drowsyness, alertness and probably not farting, butt you may do that anyway. It contains off timed sillyness and may hav a purposeful mispelt or made up word, phrase or concept. Only to keep ridgidizity (there’s one now) low. If you are fully disgusted, please show all your friends how awful this is.
My ugly truths are designed to attract only the one that will take me for me, & not try to change me into someone they want me to be.
I am an active listener.
My twisted humor has been known to cause barfing but never diarrea. (Well, that’s something… I suppose.)
Life is serious, just not all of the time.
I’ve been a 12 step recovery person most of my life, so my growth is continuous.
I own a small bicycle repair shop that I run out of my house and am a Union Journeyman Archetectural Sheet Metal worker.
My shoes or sox don’t match (For proof of this please refer to photograph number 2), (except work & the like). I have 2 differant feet (That is a nice quality to possess). A left foot & a right foot. So, to dress them both the same just don’t make sense. It makes as much sense as buying 2 cars that are identical (I think those two things have pretty much nothing to do with each other. Zero degrees of relation. Maybe just say you don’t like to bother with matching them up, eh?).
I wear ties in the cooler months with everything, or even nothing. (That’s a mental image I could have done without.)
I love dollar tree goofball reading glasses.
I have a loud jacket-blazer collection. (Burn it!)
I’m dating with no expectations for sex (at first). It keeps the anxiety low. Which puts a damper on the real chemistry. So, casual coffee-tea and convo, that’s all that I’m expecting. It takes time for anything worthy. If it’s right today, it’ll be right in some time. Not to say that I don’t like sex. On the contrary. Sex is a giant part of a healthy relationship, It should be treated respectfully to keep the excitement forever. So if you don’t like sex, or use it as a bargaining chip to manipulate, then I am not your guy. But if you do like sex, then let’s keep talking and see where it goes.
(The fact that you felt it necessary to devote an entire paragraph to not expecting sex tells me that maybe you are. And really who isn’t? Why the hell else would we all bother with the nonsense of dating and relationships if it were not for the expectation of sex?)
You must be clean is sober. An occational drink if it is truly the case is ok with me. It’s the drunkeness or scheduled drinking that’s bunk.
Please don’t write if you smoke at all.
You must be health conscious and emotionally healthy.
If you’re still reading up to this point, you must be somebody special.
Bye for now. Please write me back.”
Trying way too hard.