(Sigh….) Sometimes I don’t even know what to say about these ads.
Meet Betty Boo. Betty Boo wrote this ad. She is a very talented cat with reasonable typing and language skills.
Betty Boo says: “Dear Human Female,
I am writing this “Ad” because I Betty-Boo have been instructed by my master Isabella to find a way to take up one of our human’s time so that we may subdue the other inhabitant and conquer this land they call “Home”. Below you shall see myself, Isabella and “Prince” in that order. I am the cute little black cat my master is the fat lazy but powerful white and tan cat and the beastly black lab is “Prince”.
We however are quite fond of our human so we do hope that the amount of time you take from him is not too much. We do love to sit on his lap as it is extremely comfy and warm we will share this with you if you would like. Just make sure you peel him away so that we may torture “Prince” who seems to think he is royalty here in this land.
The king and Queen (He lives with his mom and dad) of this land are often gone but arrive just in time to feed us and clean our box of droppings. The human we speak of does this too and often pets us with his ever so gentle yet warm and comforting hand. He also takes out “Prince” to leave his dropping outside or to dig holes in the yard. “Prince” also escapes often and this is a hilarious joy to watch our human chase him throughout the neighborhood. It would be ever so lovely if you could help him so that he is not gone for too long or ends up all sweaty as that is not a very fun lap to lay upon.
Our Human is a giant compared to my standards yet he is also so gentle that he reminds me of the air inside our home land. His eyes are gentle and bluish gray almost like the sky way up high above our heads (Not only is this cat a proficient typists, she is also a poet of sorts). I believe his favorite outfit is a black polo with black pants as he wears this most days along with a black and yellow name tag. He talks alot bout how he travels weekly down to omaha to visit his little girl who he will someday have in his arms once again. I assume that this is a small human that he is quite fond of. perhaps like a litter of kittens maybe?
I do believe some of the feature that you human females care more about is strength compassion and humor. Our human is incredibly strong as he moves not just me but Isabella and “prince” with such ease as well as the unmovable cloth and wooden mountains that lay about these lands. He cares much for his fellow creature as often “Prince” hurts himself and our human holds him to calm him down or check to make sure he didn’t get hurt too bad (How compassionate of him.). He also plays these games he calls fetch and tug of war with “Prince” which I normally do not watch for the beast gets wild and loud which disturbs my peaceful meditation. Our human often laughs and cracks jokes with the other humans who live in this land.
Should you aid me and my master in this plan we shall reward you by gracing your lap with our presence and purr tot he satisfaction level that you are providing. if you prefer to sit or curl up on our human’s lap instead we can share that with you, just please do not hog it all to yourself as it is one of the comfiest and warmest spots for me to curl up on.
If you are interested in helping with my master’s and my plan then please respond and put “Master’s Plan” in the subject details and give us a little description about yourself. If all goes well I will find a suitable human to enact my plan with and have you “Meet” him somewhere and “Ask” for his number where you may then proceed to distract him from our home domination.
I have included a picture of my human that I took of him one day while I was cat napping upon his lap. I am sorry for the poor quality my kitty camera phone is not very good as i had to sneak it without him looking”
“Kitty camera”… You’re killing me. I am fairly certain that writing your personal ad from the perspective of one of your pets is the epitome of sad, lonely desperation.
For more animals playing match maker on Craigslist check these posts out!
Too Much Time on the Farm
American Bulldog Seeks Playful Bitch and a Cute Date for my Master