This is your personal ad on drugs.
Tanner the Philosophical Pot Head says: “I posted here once before, I got some good responses. Except for the fact that the emails went to my spam box and I had no idea they existed until it was too late. But this time I am going to bare as much of my being as is possible in a box (What made you think that was necessary or a good idea?). I dont want anyone that is not real (awww…shucks). I plan on taking my time and writing this over the course of days (Really? You have nothing better to do with your time than spend it writing and rewriting your craigslist personal ad?) because I really do not have the slightest clue where to begin. I am going to warn you, everything I write will probably seem not connected (thank you for the warning) but in reality everything is connected (Think that only applies to physical matter…not pointless rambling in cyber space). Already I have deleted whole pages 5 times now.
My name is Tanner. Three years ago I tried Marijuana for the first time. I realized that I had been lied to about this substance. Not only that but it opened up a side of what we call consciousness that I have never experienced before (mmm hmmm). So I decided to forget everything I have been taught and figure it out for myself(and I have) (Have you figured out that you don’t need weed to think for yourself yet? No. Didn’t think so. He’s 420 friendly ladies!). I told myself I would not leave out any explanations of what life really is, no matter how weird it may seem. Now here I am free from the shackles of the state controlled consciousness.
I am here because I am figuratively and literally alone…I have not had a girlfriend for a while. Back in the days girls were more common then water. Its so easy to connect with girls when they are forced to sit next to you like in school for example. Now its like a jungle out there and girls seem to not like being hit on in the wild (That probably depends on your approach. Are you clubbing them like Tarzan?). Places to pick up on girls are slim when your out of practice (Yes…when your couch is the only place you hang out things can look pretty bleak). Then there is the fact that it seems the society we live in forces girls to be mindless fucks. Most of the guys I know dont like smarter women(???) and I doubt the rest of society is much different. Dont worry ladies it is not your fault. PEOPLE are fucking dumb (Soooo if people are “fucking dumb” wouldn’t that mean it’s not just girls society is forcing to be mindless? Ooooo we just got philosophical on you. Go ahead and ponder that one for a while and get back to us). So here is where figuratively comes in. Every time I talk peoples eyes glaze over (Here’s a tip…try talking before you start passing the bong around). They either know what I am talking about and do not care, or they just bury their head in the sand. I dont do that, shy away from reality. Bliss is ignorance after all. So I have not been able to find someone in the flesh to connect to.
I am not going to say what I am looking for, what makes life interesting is diversity, And if your the 1% who reads this and is still interested its obvious I am looking for you.
About me: On this journey that I have been going down I have become very spiritual(NOT religious). I believe in consciousness beyond this frequency of matter and vibrations. I do not buy the mainstream bullshit that we have all be indoctrinated with. That there is this one god above all others who commands people to kill millions for shitz and gigglez (Don’t think that’s exactly what God does. Regardless of whether he’s real or make believe his message has been generally accepted as one of love and forgiveness. Soooo yea….). Why would someone who knows and has everything want the praise of some pathetic being who cannot even grasp simple concepts?Im not here to bash on someones religion. Too much of the future has already been lost from people doing that very same thing.And there is truth in everything, even the bible as much as I hate it. Sadly there is no way to express myself without offending (Well there probably is). So if you are offended realize that it was not my intention. And realize you need to fix your perception. I didn’t offend you, you did that all on your own. Life is what you make it. Literally.
I enjoy being alone in my mind. I plan on doing it for the rest of eternity. I like thinking about the things that are not known. Now that I am the term some people use “awake”, I love being. People tell me I am smart, but really all I know is all I dont. I have taken a couple IQ tests, and as much as I doubt their ability to perform, it is all I have to go on. The scores I got have been between 129-135. Which I guess is up there. Really its just another pointless label. (I cant mean this enough) FUCK LABELS! (Then what was the point of sharing that information with us?). I enjoy reading but I do not do it near as often as I or anyone else should. I like talking about what is “really” happening in the world and not what the media tells people. To keep this paragraph shorter, I love learning about everything.
I am an active person, I love doing anything. Hiking, swimming, skydiving, spelunking. I could write an endless list. I love to try anything once maybe even twice. I found when you open yourself up to something new, not only are you at your most vulnerable, but the greatest amount of growth can be achieved. Whether its emotional,spiritual,mental,physical, or even metaphysical. My life is a giant reminder of that. When I found out I had been lied to my whole reality crashed,burned, and disconnected. But now I am 100 times the person the old me could have ever hoped to achieve. I have a dog, his name is Mac, he is a Pit-bull. The sweetest most cuddle-riffic dog you will ever meet. He has to sleep under the covers between your legs. But ya he requires a lot of exercise so I have to be active.
So in short I am cynical bastard who sees the glass as always full because people are too stupid to define the contents (lol I laughed)(We didn’t)(Also dont get me wrong, I love people). I see beauty in all things (How about in the ‘stupid’ things? Any beauty there? We’re sensing some hostility towards stupid). I want to find someone who knows everything about me because they want to. Someone to share all the beauty you see when you find out the secret of living life. That thing that is so simple that everyone forget even me. So I want to find someone who will help remind me when I am at my weakest. Have you known the couples who are best friends? They transcend love even after years and years of being together. Then there are those couples who break up and the girl always says “how could he do this?!” Or “i never would have thought” well the truth is nothing changed. They were the same people before the incident and after the incident. Those couples were always incompatible. They just did not know everything about each other. That or their feelings of betrayal were stronger then their friendship. That will not happen to me. I will always be honest, always loyal, always loving, always me for you. If your as honest as I am, then I can promise my feelings of betrayal will never stop me from fighting for you.
I dont know, I guess these words describe a shade of who I am. I guess they represent me. So if what I have written here are compelling you to enter in the stupid capture picture and write me an email, I am sure we can make something meaningful….like love maybe (or pizza, mmmm pizza…..).”
And now a message from Mr. Mackey….
* Studs of Craigslist does not own the rights to this video or its content. All rights belong to South Park.