with or without you – 56 (anywhere)

A Craigslist love letter…clloveMaestro, music please!


Embittered and Confused says: “While the pain has almost completely faded, the bitterness and confusion still linger sometimes mingled with the occasional angry, but private, outburst. The thought of you, which used to sit right next to me every second of every day, has faded so that it is not even hours but more like days in between remembering you. That has helped me survive and move on from your treachery.

Still, there are memories that are so powerful and poignant that I almost stop in my tracks. It is then, when I recall something special and what I thought was unique to us, when I hate what you have done. Some of that hate unavoidably splashes on to your memory. Anymore, I do not even try to prevent that. You have earned my enmity, and I will no longer make excuses for you.

One day, and Lord it cannot come soon enough, I will be completely over you. One day, I will be able to enjoy my favorite songs without thinking of you and in so doing ruining my enjoyment of them. One day, I hope to be able to play Scrabble or watch Jeopardy without ruing the day that I ever met you. One day, I hope to be able to watch ~the Kiss~ in “The Last of the Mohicans” without feeling my gut wrench because of your infidelity.

Yes, despite your leaving me for the arms of your other lovers, you are still “with” me. If the choice were up to me, I would most definitely pick “without” you, but I am not that fortunate. As the months and years go by, the days and minutes become easier and more tolerable, but I wish that I could erase all traces of you from my life.

At least then, I could become whole. You are a scab on my heart that never fully heals. Only now do I fully understand what Bono meant.

And I used to like that song…”



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